also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
