is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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