I wish I could teleport
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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