I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
