I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
