I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
