There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am in a vortex of obligation.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
