omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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