Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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