And the cops told us we were all naked.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The struggles of a small town man whore
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
