He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
