He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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