Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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