Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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