She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
