Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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