By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
