I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
