Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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