First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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