Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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