Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
there is puke in my bra ... again
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
