Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
