At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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