The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
