Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
