i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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