We won't sleep together?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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