What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
