I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
