i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
