What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...