Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
