I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
