dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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