i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
