happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
