This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
