so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
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Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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