we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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