I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
