How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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