Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
