I saw his package. It spoke to me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize