i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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