I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
