How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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