Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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