so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
tell me about the eggs
Randomize