talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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