Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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