Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
