its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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