I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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