i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
