If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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