Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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