you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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