a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
