ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
