i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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