Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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