I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
