am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
