I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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