Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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