you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm passing your future prison.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
