Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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