Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
