my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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