this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
