I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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